


That's all I want to do (Smile)

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Oblivious Clint, Oblivious Phil, Pining, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 06:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1889058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finding Clint in his office is not an uncommon occurrence for Phil.</p><p>Finding Clint spread lasciviously out on his couch, wearing a too-tight shirt, skinny jeans, and a most decidedly smug smirk, however, is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's all I want to do (Smile)

Finding Clint in his office is not an uncommon occurrence for Phil.

Finding Clint spread lasciviously out on his couch, wearing a too-tight shirt, skinny jeans, and a most decidedly smug smirk, however, is.

It takes a moment for Phil's brain to come up with a question that isn't a combination of strangled garbles, and even then, he only manages a weak "Clint?"

Clint's smirk widens into a predatory grin, and Phil valiantly tries his best to pretend that a certain part of his anatomy hasn't jumped to hard, throbbing attention.

"You've been really nice to me, over the past few weeks," Clint purrs, sinuously rising from his sprawl, the contraction and flex of his muscles visible through the near-transparent fabric of his shirt. "And I think... maybe it's my turn to be nice to you, for a while."

Even as his cock jerks, Phil's heart sinks, because yes, he _had_ been nice to Clint, had gone out of his way to be kind and thoughtful, but he hadn't- he hadn't done it for the sex. And now, now he has a willing Clint in his office, propositioning him in the most blatant way Clint is capable of, and all Phil can feel is... disappointment.

Clint waggles his eyebrows, eyes smoldering, and Phil involuntarily shivers. "So," he jerks his head towards the door. "What say you we get out of here?"

Phil bites his lip.

Fuck.

Fuck, he wants to say yes.

He wants to say yes so fucking much.

He wants to say yes, and see Clint, Clint under him, Clint with his guard completely down, emotions on display, devastatingly beautiful, but...

Phil knows he won't be able to deal with the aftermath. The aftermath where Clint draws back into himself, and shoots off a snappy salute with a lazy, _"It's been fun, sir,"_ and walks right out of Phil's life.

Phil _wants_ Clint. Has wanted him for so long, for years, even- fuck, he's wanted the man ever since he'd found him in an alley, bow raised, drawn, a bullet still lodged in his thigh, laughing. _"Take me to your leader,"_ Clint had said, eyes shining with tears that were part mirth, part pain, and Phil knew Clint had to be scared, frightened, _terrified_ , but he was just so alive, so vibrant, that Phil was... hooked. Instantly.

He'd managed to hide it, to conceal it for over a decade, but ever since Loki, he's become so much more aware of how much he could lose, in a single, endless moment. And it breaks his still-healing heart to think of Clint continuing on after Phil's death, unaware of Phil's feelings, Phil's affection - Phil's _love_ \- so he's been trying his best to show Clint how much he appreciates him, on a day-to-day basis. Simple things, like making him coffee, and leaving him notes with his paperwork, responding to Clint's snarky comments more often in the deadpan that makes Clint laugh.

It seems to have backfired.

Phil takes a deep breath. "I don't think..." he starts, choosing his words carefully, "I don't think that's a good idea."

Clint's grin wavers, hesitant. "What, because of fraternity regulations? I've checked, _sir_."

Phil has to choke down a moan, but from the way Clint's grin turns sharper, he's noticed - oh, how he's noticed.

"Fury hasn't implemented any concrete rules against sexual relationships between handlers and assets that can't be..." Clint's fingers slip down towards his waistband, teasing, tantalizing, "Circumvented."

Phil closes his eyes. He doesn't want to do this, doesn't want to turn Clint down, because even though Clint hides it well, Phil knows how terrified he is of rejection.

But he can't say yes either, because if he'll say yes, he'll _hope_ , hope for something Clint probably never intends to give to anyone, ever, least of all Phil. Phil, with his thinning hair and his increasing age, Phil, with his unreasonable love of comic books and his tendency to stammer when confronted with Steve in Captain America gear, Phil, who has nothing to give someone as incredible as Clint. "I- Clint, I don't..." he musters his courage, looks Clint straight in the eye, and hopes Clint can read the silent plea etched across his face. "I'm sorry."

Clint stares at him, those multicolored eyes wide, and, in less than an instant, his mask shatters, revealing frustration and hopelessness and... _despair_. "Why?" Clint asks, and blanches, as if he's given away more than he's meant to give.

Phil nearly laughs, because he's done the same - he's given Clint his heart, after all, without a hope of ever having it returned.

He doesn't know how he's supposed to answer, doesn't know what Clint was intending to ask, but he knows that, whatever happens, he can't let Clint walk out looking so lost, so unwanted.

"I..." Phil struggles to explain, trying to find a way to admit to it without sounding like a fourteen year old with a crush. He gives it up as a lost cause.

"I didn't do it so you'd have sex with me, Clint," he confesses, and when Clint slumps, defeated, Phil forces his words to work again. "I- I did it because I like making you smile."

Phil watches the realization dawn across Clint's features, as he opens his mouth, preparing to question, to ask, before his eyes grow impossibly wide when he grasps the full extent of the meaning behind Phil's words.

He'd been prepared for this, known it would happen - despite what Clint tries to have everyone think, barring perhaps Natasha and _maybe_ Pepper, Clint is the most perceptive person Phil knows - and he steels himself for rejection, for denial, for being left behind, alone.

Clint's face breaks into a shy, lopsided smile, awkward and sheepish, and Phil's breath catches in his throat because _it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen_.

"That's good," Clint whispers, drawing closer, and Phil- Phil's connecting the dots, brain whirring at full capacity, unable to come up with an explanation except the obvious... but that's impossible, improbable, Clint wouldn't, couldn't-

Clint's smile turns softer, affectionate, tinged with an emotion Phil shies away from putting a name on, and, for the second time in as many moments, he finds himself speechless, struck dumb by Clint's breathtaking little grins.

"I..." Clint's throat works, before he laughs softly, leaning in closer. "I like making you smile too."

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [It's Raining Again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGii9QSkzOE&feature=kp) by Holly Brook.


End file.
